Becoming whole is what it’s ALL about on this journey
When you are starting out on this journey, you usually can not fully grasp the meaning of this wholeness that people further along on this journey are talking about.
Sometimes you are even like ‘Wait what?! I thought I just met the love of my life, what is all this spiritual mumbo jumbo about? I just want to be in a relationship with this person!‘
I hear ya, when I started out on this journey I was also hell bent on getting myself a ring on my finger and a bun in the oven. It was what he wanted, it was what I wanted – who was going to stop us? Well as it turns out our higher selves stopped us and I can’t thank them enough for doing so, not because I am not in love with my twin anymore (spoiler alert – you never stop loving your Twin Flame in a true twin connection) – but because their plans for us where so much better than our 3D selves could fathom a little less than five years ago.
If you want to get a better understanding of the Twin Flame journey and why this is not just another ‘boy meets girl’ love story or any rainbow colored variation thereof, please download my free Gangsta Goddesses Manifesto.
Now back to this wholeness, I also had no clue really what wholeness was going to look and feel like when I started out on this journey. The best I could imagine wholeness to be back then, was releasing co-dependency, then later it changed into first finding within what you seek outside of you, so that it can be reflected in your outer reality. But now my understanding of wholeness has expanded even further which is the concept I want to share with you today.
Today my understanding of wholeness lies in the retrieval of all the soul parts that were ‘lost’ on your soul’s journey throughout time, space, dimensions and realities.
Retrieving the fragmented aspects of your soul
The basic premise is that whenever we experience trauma, a part of our vital essence separates from us in order to survive the experience by escaping the full impact of the pain according to Sandra Ingerman author of the book Soul Retrieval: Mending the Fragmented Self (I haven’t read her book but it’s got good ratings for those who want to dive deeper into this subject).
Soul loss is a helpful response in that it allows our essence to remove itself from suffering and pain, it can happen whenever we have a psychological or emotional experience that we can’t cope with. This trauma can be experienced in this lifetime and or in previous lifetimes and therefor what I have experienced in my own journey and in working with my clients is that often during sessions in which we visit past lives, soul retrieval takes place as the trauma is brought into the conscious awareness and the trauma trigger is understood from a higher perspective.
There are many different names for this phenomenon in Shamanism it is called soul loss, whereby soul loss is the experience of an essential part of us leaving, and soul retrieval is the experience of having that essential part retrieved and returned to you – which gives a deeper sense of completion. In SRT circles it is referred to as a transfer student, a part of the soul is seen to split off to continue journeying in other dimensions and realities. In Jungian psychology, there is an idea that we bury our most painful memories in our unconscious mind and part of us splits off into a ‘shadow self’ and in contemporary psychology, it can sometimes be referred to as a dissociative episode, a memory or experience so painful that we lock it away so that we don’t have to deal with it. Dissociation is one way the mind copes with too much stress, such as during a traumatic event.
Many of us go through life, feeling like we are missing an important part of ourselves or feeling like we are not quite whole. Sometimes we experience soul loss as a chronic illness or face ongoing emotions such as sadness, anger, fears and phobias that simply cannot stem from our experiences in this lifetime. This is almost always an indication of a past live bleeding through or a repressed (dissociated) experience in this lifetime, something you hear over and over again from victims of brutal rape, childhood sexual abuse and other horrific experiences that the psyche simply can’t deal with and therefor blanks out in order for the person to be able to survive the experience.
However soul loss is of course not only related to sexual trauma, it is a possibility with all kind of trauma that led to extreme mental, emotional, physical, vibrational and or spiritual pain and suffering. Remember it is a survival mechanism to survive trauma, by splitting off the soul aspect, experiencing the trauma so that the rest of the soul can continue on it’s journey as if nothing ever happened.
Soul retrieval, what is it & how do you do it?
There isn’t really that much of a difference between soul loss in this lifetime or in a previous lifetime, except that past life trauma tends to be more deeply repressed and out of our conscious awareness. But in general the psyche follows the same survival mechanism in both cases, the memory of the trauma is often ‘forgotten’ and get’s reactivated when the person is strong enough and often more mature enough to deal with the traumatic experience. Hence so many incest victims who simply ‘forget’ the abuse for years or decades and then suddenly remember what happened to them. This was the only way for them to survive their experience.
The soul does the same over lifetimes and lifetimes, these lost soul aspects that get split off in the experienced trauma are not really lost or disconnected – they are in fact more disowned or dissociated from until the remaining larger part of the soul has reached a place of greater understanding and maturity. When this place of greater understanding and maturity is reached, the trauma can be revisited and understood from a higher perspective which allows the split off soul part to fuse back (reintegrate) with the rest of the soul – which is the retrieval aspect.
It’s literally bringing a lost aspect of your soul home to itself.
Now to answer your question of how to do this.
Soul retrieval can be done in many ways, probably even more than what I will list – but I’ll keep to my experiences with soul retrieval and share those.
A healer retrieves the lost soul aspect for you
This is very common among Shamans, that they can travel through time, space, dimensions and realities and retrieve the aspect of the soul that is ready to come back home. Be careful though because not everyone who calls themselves a Shaman is one and not everyone who tells you they have retrieved an aspect of the soul, or who read your past lives to you, etc. can do what they think they can.
Having someone read your past life isn’t half as cathartic as actually remembering the past life yourself and really understanding and integrating the lesson on a cellular level.
Use your own discernment and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Personally I would rather work with a Shaman that has the sacred energy qualifications, than somebody who has done a course, training or whatever to become a Shaman. Being a healer is a psychic gift that you were either born with or that opened up to you (often after a soul aspect was retrieved) later on in life. You CANNOT study to become a healer, you can only study healing techniques that compliment your natural healing abilities. Please do not confuse the one with the other.
Through going back to the land where the soul aspect was lost
This is often unintentional because we usually don’t know where we have lost parts of ourselves. So it is more a spontaneous occurrence, through the energetic frequency of the land. This happened to me the first time I visited Ibiza. I was heavily guided back in the beginning of 2017 to visit Ibiza to check out if my family and I should move there.
When I landed on the island I hated it, we were staying in San Antonio which to be fair is considered the worst part of the island – as it is pretty low vibe energy there and attracts many of the more hedonistic thrill seeking tourists just partying their heads off. It feels totally different than other parts of the island that don’t attract this kind of crowd.
My solar plexus went bezerk when I was there, I was vomiting straight through the first night, purging deeply. As I had gone out to get a bit of fresh air with my mother on an evening walk I wondered if my guides had been crazy urging me to live here or at least wondering if I maybe had been crazy, even believing I was guided to move out there.
Things already started looking better the next day, when I rented a car and went out with my mother and son to explore the island. On day three things changed drastically as we spotted the old town castle and decided to go up there. Looking back now that I know my way around Ibiza, I parked at one of the worst places to visit the castle. We first needed to hike up around 2 kilometers uphill to reach the bottom stairs of the castle – but the closer we got the more I felt like coming home and as I walked up the stairs to the dalt vila and the castillo it was as if a young girl in me was skipping up the stairs singing ‘I’m home, I’m home!’ in my head.
In the Cathedral de Santa Maria as I was praying there, a powerful soul retrieval occurred spontaneously. Even though my mother and son were right behind me when I turned left into an alley that led to the Cathedral and an inner square, they didn’t see me turn and thought I left the grounds all together.
I remember scolding my mother for 30 minutes straight to impress on her that unlike her I would NEVER leave a space without having my child or her with me. She on the other hand is none to just walk off without warning. In hindsight this mix up and them first hiking down to the parking lot to find me and then (my poor kid) having to hike back up the countless stairs because I wasn’t at the car, served to give me the alone time I needed to have some powerful soul work done in a place where I had never set foot before in my life – but that I instantly recognized as home.
Soul retrieval done yourself with the help of a healer
Though spontaneous soul retrieval does occur, most of the deeper layered wounding simply can’t be accessed without the help of a healer. All these people claiming they can heal themselves, don’t even scratch the surface of what is truly underneath because they can’t get to that depth on their own.
Their ego likes to think they can and that they are very special and exceptional because they can do everything by themselves and they don’t need anybody – but that is just that, their ego talking.
I got to where I am currently on my journey, by working with a dozen or more different healers. I spent thousands and thousands of euros on coaching, mentors and healing. Money that I certainly did not have starting out on this journey, but the more I healed myself the more I healed my relationship with money as well. I decided that I needed this money to invest in my healing and it showed up because I asked for it. Ask and you shall receive.
In the Akashic Record Clearings I offer soul retrieval happens a lot with my clients, because we actively revisit trauma from this lifetime and or from previous lifetimes to release the stored vibrational charge that is still wreaking havoc in your life, sometimes even centuries after the trauma occurred.
This is because in order to heal the trauma the subconscious mind keeps recreating it in every lifetime, often re-traumatizing the person in order to play out the original trauma in an attempt to heal it this time around.
This traumatic energy left unchecked keeps attracting to it, it’s own vibrational frequency match which includes people, situations, experiences and things that are vibrating at the same frequency. This is also what we refer to as a past life bleed through, you literally have the energy (often trauma energy) of a past life, bleeding through in your current life experience. This is reason enough to do past life work, to clear out this old energy from your vibrational field.
On top of that comes the soul retrieval aspect, which brings lost aspects back but also past life knowledge, talents and gifts. It is not uncommon for someone to tap into long ago acquired hidden talents through retrieving the soul aspect that mastered that gift or talent in a previous lifetime.
For example before I went to India in 2015 I had a webdesign company and taught people how to create business success online. I was an expert in online marketing and especially content marketing. I taught entrepreneurs how to create a successful business through content marketing. When I came back from India I was able to bring people into their past lives through the sound of my voice and energy transfer in their chakras.
This happened after I revisited a Lemurian past life in which I was able to heal the masses through the sound of my voice. Because at some point this was not save anymore, to protect myself and the others I had placed two energetic implants in the back of my head to block this gift. In a session with a healer I removed these energetic implants, which was very painful. The two slots in the back of my head where I had put the implants became excruciatingly painful, seemingly flaring up out of nowhere as I together with the healer’s assistance removed the implants – I had placed there myself eons and eons ago.
Shortly after this session I was told to start doing readings, but instead of me reading other peoples energies what happened was that my clients would start talking funny as if they were hypnotized and would start telling me about the past lives they were seeing or feeling (experience depends on their dormant psychic ability which can be seeing, hearing, knowing or feeling). All this was happening from distance healing, because I wasn’t physically in the room with my clients. I was on the phone with them where they listened to my voice…
I was intuitively given a process that I still use today (three years later), that allows the clients to experience their past lives first hand, instead of being dependent on others to read this information for them. I have helped hundreds of people heal deep trauma this way, where sometimes years of therapy had left them feeling they could never overcome it.
The root of your traumas are stored in the cells of the body
Because of the retraumatization effect perhaps, same themed traumas seem to be linked together and physically rooted in the body, almost like a cable and anchor from a ship.
The core wounding/issue being represented by the cable and the anchor the retraumatization point in this lifetime, which can be seen as the root or the last anchor point of the wounding.
Trauma is stored in the chakras, the organs and the cells and this is also why you need multiple healers on this journey to address it from all sides not just, mentally, emotionally or vibrationally but also spiritually and physically.
While on Ibiza in the fall of 2018 after doing loads of release work and soul retrieval in the other four bodies I started working with a reintegration massage therapist on the island. Reintegration massage uses the Chinese meridian system to help you release blockages from the physical body and the other bodies as well.
At this stage of my healing journey, it wasn’t actually healing anymore in the way it was before, instead it was much more a question of the missing pieces of the puzzle falling into place. After working through my own personal core wounding (unrelated to my twin) in the Spring and up to the Summer of 2018, and talking to my twin at the end of July eclipse – we seemed to be working through past life wounding that had been keeping us apart, i.e. the energies that had created our biggest 3D obstacles on the Twin Flame journey.
One of which was a reversed core gender frequency, which I have written about in this previous article. After revisiting that past life in which I had split off a large part of my feminine essence in order to survive, I came back to a childhood trauma in which I had done the exact same thing.
When I was a 4 year old my mother went to the States for three months and left me in the care of my father and my two older half sisters. My father was having an affair at that time and flew in his Scottish mistress, he had also already been sexually abusing my middle half sister since the age of twelve and she was 13, when I was 4. Still in the absence of my mother to protect me, he also abused me during that time. Something I had repressed for multiple decades and that started resurface doing this bodywork.
Knowing I had been sexually abused as a child from stories of my half sister, but unable to remember the details I had tried a couple of times to access this trauma through bodywork and even sexual dearmoring with zero result. Which also shows us how guided our journeys are, because I did not have the background information at that time to understand the abuse by my father or to recognize the soul contract we had made prior to this embodiment.
Knowing everything I know now about my past lives and my core wounding, when I finally did remember through the bits and pieces that were revealed to me about what had happened with my father, all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place as I saw that the incest had served to activate both the core wound past lives that had made me step out of my power.
It was clear as night and day that my father had triggered these two core wounds through the incest, however this does not make what my father did okay on a human level. The guy was a freaking idiot to do what he did, actually words fail to describe how horrific his actions were towards a child. I saw him as a monster because of it, which was also why I repressed the experience in the first place, for such a long time. It was the only way to survive. Another thing I did at that point was split off even more of my female essence, in an attempt to protect myself.
Having all these pieces of the puzzle fall into place, allowed me to retrieve my feminine essence that I had split off and put aside both in the past life with my twin when he committed suicide as in this life because of the incest of my father. The incest of my father had become the physical anchor point, that connected all the other corresponding traumas and rooted them in my physical body.
All these traumas need to be cleared out of the body for the next step in this soul retrieval process. The soul who wants to fully incarnate in the physical vessel (the body) cannot stay in there if the body still holds low frequency energies. It is a simple fact of matching vibrational frequency, the body can’t hold the higher frequency resonance of the soul if it still has lower frequency energies stuck in the organs, chakras or cells. Visa versa the soul can’t stay in the body if the core frequency of the physical vessel doesn’t match the higher vibrational frequency of the soul.
Now to grab back to the Twin Flame dynamic, your core frequency is identical on a soul level – not per se on the physical human level because you both have your own thought patterns and emotions on a human persona level that stem from your own traumas, upbringing, family and cultural or social background.
However the more you are able to embody, your core soul frequency the more you align to a harmonious outer union with your beloved, because this is your true soul frequency that only you and your Twin Flame share. The more you emit that specific core frequency, the more your twin is pulled into their own healing and embodying the matching core soul frequency.
This is your magnificent gift to each other, which of course exceeds any romantic experience you were hoping for when you started out on this journey.
Embodying the soul in the physical body
The endgoal of retrieving all these split off or fragmented parts of the soul. is fully embodying the soul in the pyshical vessel.
Once all the fragmented soul aspects have been retrieved, the soul starts the journey of descending into the body. As I have explained in the previous section of this article, the body has to be fully purified and cleansed from lower vibrational frequencies for the soul to be able to anchor in completely. You can see this as anchoring 5D in the physical reality.
In my own process after clearing some land karma with England, Italy and of course Egypt where my twin and I had massive past life karma, my soul started coming in through the crown chakra in a session with one of my healers, after I came back from Egypt and just before I left for Ibiza. At the end of that session I was given the Aura-Soma Quintessence Sanat Kumara and Lady Venus to work with while on Ibiza.
Actually I had to find a supplier last minute to be able to bring a bottle with me to the island as I wasn’t sure if I could find a supplier there and it was too late to order anything online, it would never arrive on time. Spirit directed me to someone in Amsterdam close by, who sold me the bottle and urged me to book a session with her when I would be back in Amsterdam at the beginning of 2019. Having heard a little bit about where I was in my process she told me she could do much more for me in a session. So we booked for the 2nd of January and I left for Ibiza, where I was going to stay the next two and a half months.
As I mentioned before, I did massive work on Ibiza where I worked intensively with five different female healers, my spiritual alchemy midwife team on integrating all the healing work I had done from 2016 to 2018 and especially the healing work done in the past twelve months. The puzzle pieces falling into place, allowing me to see the bigger picture and at the same time removing the energetic obstacles that were the cause of the outer obstacles separating me and my twin.
Shortly after arriving on Ibiza my soul name even came through, Ayana which means “a good path” in terms of one’s life journey in Sanskrit. When I heard the name I had no clue it would be Indian in origin.
When I came back to Amsterdam I had another in person session and some more online sessions with my regular healing team, when the Aura-Soma therapist called me to move up our appointment to the 31st of December as she had accidentally double booked the other date.
In my session with her after all the prep-work done with the other healers, the soul was able to fully flow through into the body and ground through the feet – literally on the last day of the year. Allowing me to enter 2019 in complete inner union.
It took one last soul retrieval to bring back an aspect of my soul that had been trapped in an Egyptian mummy. Mummification was very common in ancient Egypt. The Egyptians believed that it was possible to live again after death, but this could only happen if the body was preserved in a lifelike form that the spirits known as the ba (personality) and the ka (life-force) could recognize. The body could then act as a bridge between the spirits of the deceased and the offerings provided by the living.
It was the process of wrapping which was believed to transform the body from a deceased human to a divine being. Once the deceased had been properly mummified, wrapped in linen and wearing its painted mask, wig and ceremonial beard, they were no longer a human. They had assumed a godlike form and were prepared for the afterlife.
The very last trauma to be released was about embracing my own divinity, which apparently had gone wrong in that Egyptian lifetime. It was a memory stored in my bowels and I felt fear when allowing myself to be led there. But the Aura-Soma therapist was also an excellent and very gifted healer and she helped me move past my own fears. I had been trapped in my body in that lifetime after death, or so that aspect of myself believed to have been the case.
It wasn’t true of course, but then again traumas are ALWAYS based on a misinterpretation of our experienced reality.
Once that realization came, this split off piece of myself integrated with the rest of my soul and I felt complete. With this sense of completion and wholeness, I felt an electrifying sensation fill every cell of my being as the soul anchored in completely and moved into every part, every cell and every atom of my body.
This happened yesterday so I have absolutely no idea, how this will change me, my life or my Twin Flame connection. Only time will tell. In hindsight it makes perfect sense that the Aura-Soma therapist was the one to help me birth this higher aspect of myself completely, after all the prep-work I had done with the other five members of my spiritual alchemy midwifery team. Spirit had already put her on my path, to birth my divinity with her when all was already lined up and ready for the final integration.
What is really interesting is that I return to India this week after 37 months, since I was last there in December 2015 – with my Twin Flame (who is Indian). 3+7=10 which is 1, the number 1 signifies new beginnings, independence and becoming who you really are. After all the intense healing work I have done and where it brought me since I left my twin three years ago, I will now come back to India and to him as the highest expression of myself – which I didn’t plan out this way or had any clue that this was already written in the stars for us.
The Magnus Opus (The Great Work) that alchemist pursued
When I started out on this journey in April 2014 I had no clue, that it would lead me here. I didn’t even know this was possible or part of the Twin Flame union process. 2018 has really been my year of inner union and embodying my soul self is the crowning of this process.
It gives new meaning to the term ‘as above, so below‘ because, this is what I have experienced my above (soul/higher self) and below (human self) have become ONE.
This is the sacred marriage that Alchemy speaks of.
The sacred marriage, the ‘coniunctio’ or ‘coitus’, refer to the union of our divine spirit with the soul, and finally with the body. By way of speaking we could say that in common man the spirit, soul and body are kind of separated from each other, although they are working with each other. But when the Great Work has been completed, the divine spirit has been brought ‘down’ to shine through the soul and body and unified itself with them, so they all form one and the same ‘body’.
Most of us start out on this journey in the hope of achieving a sacred marriage with the twin, images like the above seem to indicate that it is about the man and the woman coming together, but the King and Queen in the image represent the balancing of our inner Divine masculine and feminine – instead of the outer Twin Flame couple.
In order to create (or align) to such an outer union (not just a physical relationship) – we first need to reach this state of ONENESS within. Because if we don’t our union will not be any different than normal 3D romantic relationships, as we have not done the inner work to enter a true Divine partnership with our beloved. When we are both still coming from the embodiment of our physical self, we can’t align to the higher frequency of the new relationship templates that we as Twin Flames are meant to bring into the world through our purified and Divine love.
Which brings us to as within, so without which is the second part of a fragment of the text from the Emerald tablet, referring to the fact that when you have created the as above so below – what is within will be reflected without – in your physical reality.
When you have become ONE within, you will see this ONENESS manifest in your physical reality.
I pray that this article has given you a deeper understanding of the Twin Flame journey and WHY it is so important to do our inner alchemical healing work. If you need any help clearing out past lives and retrieving lost aspects of your soul, you can book an Akashic Record Clearing with me.
If you are interested in walking the path I have walked to come to where I am now. I have created a step-by-step guide to the Twin Flame journey through my online program the Align to Your Divine Plan Twin Flame Mastery Program, that comes as part of the Gangsta Goddesses Tribe membership, together with an online Mastermind group to share your challenges and victories with fellow travelers on this journey.
Wishing you magic and miracles on this amazing adventure with your beloved.
If this article resonates with you please share it abundantly. Thank you.
Lots of love,