What’s lurking in the dark, that you can’t see?
This weekend I was at the Millionaire Mindset Intensive and it was like my third or fourth time to go, since I heard T Harv Eker speak at the first one in Amsterdam, back in 2011.
And like each time I was there, I had beautiful insights and this time even massive breakthroughs. Before I left in the morning I had written in my journal and stated that I wanted to get 100% out the program and make amazing mindset shifts. Ah the power of intention setting….
While getting ready to leave I remembered that last year at MMI my Twin Flame and I were texting. He was really excited about one of the elements of the program and we were having fun. At one point I kind of cornered him and said ‘Listen this is how I feel about you. I am crazy in love with you. I want nothing more then to make love to you. You know that right? He answered yes. I asked do you feel the same he answered yes again and just to make sure I asked ‘So we are on the same page feeling-wise?’ And he texted back yep, we are. This was a year after he had run for the first time and the very first time that he admitted he also still loved me. He had hinted towards his feelings for me in between, but had left it at that he couldn’t forget me either and not much more. That whole night I was on cloud nine, because he had let me know he also still loved me.
Going to the same building, being in the same room brought up this strong happy memory. I don’t know how my twin experiences this, but for me this year is filled of triggers that bring back memories of last year and us growing closer and closer throughout the year until we were together in India. Facebook memories or other triggers that remind me how things were between us in that time of the year. This was just one of those many moments, which I acknowledged and then let go.
So now at the event, one of the very first exercises was a writing exercise on money associations, although most of my answers were positive when it came down to writing down why I couldn’t become extremely wealthy – I wrote down: I don’t deserve it.
Then for some reason the exercise was not discussed and at lunch I even said I really missed that, because it seemed unfinished to me. After lunch when we came back in the room, we went back to this exercise and as it was being discussed the trainer asked:
‘How do you see this believe being played out in other area’s of your life?‘
Thoughts tumbled in quickly after each other:
- Money is love
- Love and money are energetically connected
- Holy f**k I believe I don’t deserve deep love
- Sh*t I think at a subconscious level that I don’t deserve my Twin Flames love
- F**k that hurts, I really believe this
Tears streaming down my face by now. It was such a deep realization. I knew my twin felt he didn’t deserve my love. He was always asking me, why me? Why do you love me? What did I do for you to love me? My answer was always, because you are you. But I never ever thought that I at a subconscious level also felt I didn’t deserve his love. The emotional pain I felt, the tears streaming down my face were proof that this was something I believed – even if I had not known until then that I believed it.
It’s really simple you are not manifesting because you are not aligned
This year is really the year of my Twin Flame connection. I quickly knew that I was in a Twin Flame relationship after I met my Twin Soul back in 2014. However it wasn’t until one and a half years later, when I came back from India where we spent time together and a healing session shortly after I returned home, that I knew for 100% this was my twin – no doubt about it. In the healing session for which he showed up energetically, we healed the memory of our first separation as souls and it was intense and extremely painful.
For me there is a difference between the physical relationship we have and our soul relationship. I like to end things in a good way and so even though that I accepted that my twin didn’t want to have contact with me in real life – I wanted to work on our soul relationship because this is the time to do it. He was in my life now, Next year he might have said yes to an arranged marriage, and also I need to get on with my life.This is the moment, this is OUR time now.
He was not going to give me closure on a physical level, but on a soul level we could work through as much of our sh*t as we can before we meet again and see where it would get us in this lifetime. He seemed to also want that as he was showing up energetically left and right at various of my healing sessions, helping me birth Gangsta Goddesses in the process.
Reading blogs of other Twin Flame teachers really made me decide, that regardless what my twin decided I was going to remove everything on MY side that was keeping me out of (re)union. Since I met my Twin Soul, having a family with him has been my greatest hearts desire. Being together with him in any way possible and preferably as close as possible was what I wanted the MOST in life. So I just also used these past almost eight months of no contact with each other to work on my end of our Twin Flame relationship.
I don’t deserve to be deeply loved. I don’t deserve my twin’s love was a major obstruction on my side of the relationship. You cannot manifest what you in this case believe you don’t deserve. The subconscious will just keep it away from you, because you decided (even when you were NOT aware of it – that you were not worth having your hearts desire). So even when consciously I wanted nothing more than this man’s love, subconsciously I felt I didn’t deserve it.
This subconscious believe would have kept me safely out of alignment with my hearts desire for the rest of eternity or like now until I was able to bring it into my conscious awareness.
Powerful stuff right?
Past lives bleeding through
Only the week before I had in a personal healing session accessed a past life between me and my twin. I had read that past lives and unresolved past life karma or vows could also get in the way of a reunion between Twin Flames, so this was the time to let them come up for healing..
Lo and behold I see a past life with my twin in which I was a young girl around twelve years old in France in the Middle Ages. My twin and I were in love, but in that life I had to marry someone else and felt I could not do anything to stop it. I loved my twin dearly, just like this life but there was no way we could be together. I or we would have been killed. This is exactly what we are facing in this life, that my twin sees no way for us to be together because of his culture and the social suicide following his heart might bring.
Plus although it stayed veiled what happened exactly, I felt that my twin didn’t trust me, didn’t trust my love in that lifetime. In this lifetime trusting me was also an issue for him, he literally said in this life ‘I won’t always be able to give you what you want or to be there for you when you need me.‘ He was afraid my love for him could turn into hate, that my love for him would not be unconditionally.
In any case just as my money related past life was bleeding through in this lifetime when I wanted to pass the €10.000 a month revenue, this past life was also very similar to our current reality. What is left unhealed, co-creates your reality. That is the law. So everything I am sharing with you today applies as much for (Twin Flame) relationships as any other hearts desire you want to manifest.
It’s subconscious beliefs, vows, karma and emotions/energy from this life or a past life that is keeping you out of alignment with your manifestation!
It’s that freaking simple.
Oh, now I understand why….
That same day at the MMI event in the afternoon I accessed a childhood memory. It was of my grandmother, my fathers mother. She passed away many years ago when I was 15, she was already well in her eighties then. She had been born into nobility, a family that had money and she was one of the very first women in the Netherlands to become a doctor.
I could sense the Gangsta Goddesses energy with me, because my body started rocking. Often during a Soul Journey as a client enters their subconsciousness and the Akashic record I start either nodding my head or rocking from my spine. When this happens I know that we entered into a realm where the client can see past, future and present, whatever serves there healing at that moment. All of a sudden I see myself standing in our living room in Amsterdam South. I am about five years old. I see and understand everything now. I see how my grandmother uses her wealth to control and manipulate her family. How she abuses her power and uses money as a way to make things alright – when it’s clearly not.
How can you ever allow yourself to really accumulate wealth to have real money and have it in abundance when as a child you learned from your environment that having wealth makes you act like a manipulative, controlling and mean witch. You witnessed this first hand, even if it might have been a misinterpretation of reality. This is how it was hard-coded into your subconscious mind.
My grandmother even had my mother work as a cleaner in my aunts house for money. She would give my mother 300 guilders a month which was a large amount back then, to clean my aunts house. My mother had me, my two teenage stepsisters a part time job as nurse in a hospital, a house of her own and a difficult husband to take care of. She didn’t want to clean another families house but did it because her husband and she needed the money. I as five year old witnessed this all and decided, that if having lots of money was going to make you act like this – it was better not to have so much money.
While the money past life, bleeding through was all about earning a certain amount of money. This uncovered childhood memory did influence earning capacity, but most of all it influenced wealth accumulation. Allowing yourself to have an keep money. And again I had no idea that it was in my subconscious mind.
But you can be sure that a subconscious believe of this caliber, will keep you fully out of alignment with wealth accumulation, which was exactly what was happening in my life. I don’t have any savings both personally or business wise at this time. Which makes perfect sense now, seeing I made a story up in my head as a five year old, that based on my grandmothers behavior being wealthy makes you act in a way that hurts others.
You are actually only reliving old stories if you are not careful
If you think this article is only about me and my personal experience, think again. The things I am sharing, apply just as much to you, it’s just that your story is different. The principle stays the same. Only the story changes….
So on day three as I was working on a childhood money memory with my father who also left earth a couple of years ago. I listed all the things I had wanted from my father in that situation and in general. As I was writing it, it hit me that I wanted the same things from my twin as I had wanted from my father as a child, as his daughter.
Again, tears streaming down my face as I realized how wrong this subconscious demand on my twin had been. That was such a big wound, that he was in no way responsible for or could ever heal or fill for me. I immediately freed my twin of the demands of my wounded inner child. Because I want the love of a man from my twin, the love a husband has for his wife and not the love a father has for his daughter.
Talk about closure, this insight gave me more closure than anything my twin could have said or done. I have of course been letting go of my twin and my dreams for us layer by layer for months, every time letting him go just a little deeper on even the deepest levels. Freeing him of the expectations of my inner child, was like wiping the slate clean. Because now I could be open to the love of a man (my twin or another) to come the way he wanted to express it, not in the way my inner child wanted to be loved by her daddy.
It was like my inner child was holding on to my twin for dear life, to get her child needs met by him and as soon as I saw this and stepped in and told my inner child that he was not the one who was going to give her this, not him or any romantic partner – my inner child was able to let my twin go completely.
Massive life changing healing.
You have to do the footwork to create the massive breakthroughs
Before you immediately go buy tickets for the closest MMI event near you, it doesn’t work like that. There were 450 other people there who I dare say 75% of them didn’t have such a deep and intense experience as I did. This was my third time at least, so I knew I could trust the trainers. I also really set the intention to get 100% out of the program this time, which I had not done the other times.
But most of all I came in prepared.
Here is a list of the footwork I had already done in the months prior to the event (not even knowing I would go to MMI), that created fertile ground for the radical shifts and massive breakthroughs I experienced.
- I had sessions with multiple healers
- I used flower remedies to support my process
- I listened to a one hour guided meditation to raise my vibrational frequency daily
- I listened to another audio daily to heal deep money blocks
- I surrendered the outcome of my Twin Flame relationship
- I set the intention to fully cleanse all obstacles on my side that were keeping ME out of reunion with my Twin Flame
By the time I got in the room I had done so much work in advance on my subconscious mind, that it was easy to find the weeds that were really producing the bad fruits in my life and pull them out with root and all. I didn’t have a completely with weeds overgrown, for years unattended garden that I first had to plow through. That work had already been done, so when I went into my beautiful inner garden it was much easier to spot the weeds that were really creating the problems.
What you believe on the inside must manifest itself on the outside
Considering the unsupportive beliefs I found during this weekend, I am not amazed at all that my Twin Flame relationship or any other romantic relationship has not yet manifested in my life. Let’s take a deeper look shall we.
On a subconscious level I believed that A. I did not deserve to be deeply loved and B. I was trying to get the love of my father from my romantic partner. These were two gigantic boulders blocking me in my way to manifesting a deeply loving and committed relationship with a man.
What you believe, EVEN WHEN YOU ARE NOT AWARE YOU BELIEVE IT – must manifest itself in your reality. It’s the law.
The same applies to my subconscious beliefs around wealth, where I believed that A. I did not deserve to have wealth and B. I had a childhood memory, here comes the inner child again that saw that being wealthy made you a controlling, manipulative witch. Again two major obstructions to attracting and keeping wealth in my life.
How quickly will things shift after this?
It all depends. Your hearts desire could manifest instantaneously. It could take a couple of hours, days, weeks or months. But doing the inner work, bringing these subconscious beliefs into the light and healing them will always sooner or later change your outer reality. Because it’s what we hold to be true on the inside, that we see manifest itself in the outside reality we live in.
When I healed the past life money blocking believe that being rich meant losing everything, including yourself, the very next month I signed on a €9.000 project and two months later we passed the €10K a month in sales. In total it took me five months to manifest a turnover of €10.000 a month.
I don’t doubt that healing these new wounds, will soon change my reality for the better AND that it will work exactly the same way for you, when you let go of unsupportive beliefs and heal your (childhood) wounds. You will then manifest what you want easily and effortlessly which will only make YOUR life better and better too.
If you would like some help from me on your healing journey, sign up for a free blast through your blocks session.
I pray this article serves you.
Lots of love,